“Don’t give up; it’s just the weight of the world.”

Maybe I’m the only one that feels this way… but I doubt it.

I guess I haven’t had much to say in the past week. Real life issues getting in the way of normalcy, which for me means sitting around on my rump and writing/reading or something in between there which might include a few key notes from Bach.

As I was conversing with a friend a few days ago, she was mentioning about a recent pic taken by another friend of hers. I must say, as I looked at his portfolio, I was in absolute awe. I happen to love sunsets, and so I asked for permission to share this one on the blog.

Do we ever truly take time out to watch a sunset every now and then? Sometimes our lives seem so busy, that even the simplest things in life seem too time consuming, to make the effort to stop and just…. SEE. But the fact is…. never too late to take a few minutes out to watch one of the most beautiful things mother nature has to offer.

Enjoy.
P.S. Thanks for reminding me of that Mish.

I decided today that I was going to take a much needed break from writing, and life in general to be honest with you.  A lot of stresses have hit me over the past few weeks, and reflection is good for the soul!  And so I’ve decided that I’m going to spend the next few weeks doing just that.

Earlier in the day after making this decision, I found myself thinking back on stories my grandmother use to tell me.

For those who may not know, I’m 1/4 Potawatomi (Native American).  My grandmother who was full blood and lived on a reservation most of her life, was a very wise woman, and died at the age of 97, three years ago.

She played an important part in my life.  For a good number of years, I lived on the reservation with her, and I remember all the stories she used to tell me.  Some were amusing, but some of them were heart breaking and sad.

Life has many stories, and my belief is that our lives write themselves.  Stories penned from paths taken.  When we take a step, are we not compelled to take another?  Each step in the present, immediately becomes a step in the past.  Our lives are much like this, writing itself as we go.  A story being told, formed, and fashioned with every step taken.

Our lives are full of complexities.  In fact, life in itself is quite complex.  But it doesn’t seem so complex when we simply take notice of the steps.

One…. Two…. Three….

It seems much more easier to handle when we reflect on one single step at a time.  The complexity of the things that burden and weigh us down, seem to become so simple.

Now I certainly haven’t mastered this, but I know I certainly wouldn’t mind achieving it either.  Life… just doesn’t seem so complex, when what is all in front you, is a simple step.  One… right after the other.

I’ve been tired as of late. In one of my posts I talked about burdens. For me, I was always taught that one’s burdens are their own. But, in recent hours — days — I have come to understand a whole new burden.

Some have picked up the slack of a burden I’ve carried for months now, and part of me regrets that. But, the other part of me is very much relieved.

So what is my new burden? Simply the burden to relinquish the reigns, if even for a little while. To remember that there are people that stand by me, without remorse or regret.

Sometimes we hurt the people we love, because we are afraid, and other times because we believe we are protecting them, and in return (often times) we end up bringing more pain.

A lot of things are unknown right now. Treading into new territory is always a frightening venture, even when there are others along for the ride. We all know the saying, “there is safety in numbers.” For quite a while now, I had convinced myself that there is only safety in one.

But… that remains to be seen.

Sometmes it takes tragedy to see past the murky waters, and see who and what we are as individuals. There have been tragedies in my life, and in the lives of my loved ones. And a few days ago, I was met with another one. It was a tragedy long before then, but, it became much more real in the past few days.

Life is much like a dance. Some waltz, some tap, some even headbang their way through.

I’ve spent a life time of being… strong. Because, my belief was that no one could handle another’s burdens, no matter how tired you may have gotten from handling it on your own. But someone taught me a different lesson today. Instead of head banging my way through, or tapping around the obvious, I should waltz.

Sometimes we are just not in control, though we want to be… we would like to be. But, sometimes, that’s just not the case. We fear not being in control, and alot of times our waltzes through life are more like the Two Step with two left feet.

So, perhaps it’s time to waltz, and… let life lead for a change.

I’m amazed of the side effects of having writer’s block. It truly should be researched more. I would think scientist would find it … interesting.

I have spent several days now staring at the same words over and over and over again. No matter what project, what story, it’s always the same. I’m unable to finish anything I start. At some point, I just get to a spot and my muse just throws up its hands and cries, “Okay, I’m done!”

Anxiety, endless bags of doritos, pepsi, 81/2 x 11 paper strewn across the floor, a few white hairs, and a few tear soaked hankies later — and I’m still… with writer’s block.

So what have I learned?  You don’t control your muse… your muse controls you.

Amazing.

I learned an interesting lesson today. No matter what you feel – no matter how many people can say they understand – you are still alone with your emotions, with your thoughts, with the inner fibers of your being that wedge themselves into the complex mechanism we call life.

We stare at our shortcomings, and instead of looking for resolve, we tumble into pits of denial without even so much as a second glance.

When friends become enemies, and enemies: sudden friends. The world stops, wrong deeds demand resolve, and your mind is so full of conflict that you just may find it better to sit down and just await your fate, than charge on and meet your oppressor. Amazing how we as human beings think, and perceive our lives and that of those around us.

You stand up, for what you believe is nothing more than a cause worthy of your attention, and all rally behind you, to only find yourself muddied and broken when it all crumbles, and the cause is nothing more than a failure in the eyes of those who experienced it.

It’s in times like these when I ponder on who I am. Will I stand and fight? Or, though I believe, for the sake of survival, step back in the shadows and hope that it just passes me by?

Yes, I learned an important thing today. I’m my father’s daughter.

For me, there are no shadows.