My muse…

I’m amazed of the side effects of having writer’s block. It truly should be researched more. I would think scientist would find it … interesting.

I have spent several days now staring at the same words over and over and over again. No matter what project, what story, it’s always the same. I’m unable to finish anything I start. At some point, I just get to a spot and my muse just throws up its hands and cries, “Okay, I’m done!”

Anxiety, endless bags of doritos, pepsi, 81/2 x 11 paper strewn across the floor, a few white hairs, and a few tear soaked hankies later — and I’m still… with writer’s block.

So what have I learned?  You don’t control your muse… your muse controls you.

Amazing.

I am my father’s daughter…

I learned an interesting lesson today. No matter what you feel – no matter how many people can say they understand – you are still alone with your emotions, with your thoughts, with the inner fibers of your being that wedge themselves into the complex mechanism we call life.

We stare at our shortcomings, and instead of looking for resolve, we tumble into pits of denial without even so much as a second glance.

When friends become enemies, and enemies: sudden friends. The world stops, wrong deeds demand resolve, and your mind is so full of conflict that you just may find it better to sit down and just await your fate, than charge on and meet your oppressor. Amazing how we as human beings think, and perceive our lives and that of those around us.

You stand up, for what you believe is nothing more than a cause worthy of your attention, and all rally behind you, to only find yourself muddied and broken when it all crumbles, and the cause is nothing more than a failure in the eyes of those who experienced it.

It’s in times like these when I ponder on who I am. Will I stand and fight? Or, though I believe, for the sake of survival, step back in the shadows and hope that it just passes me by?

Yes, I learned an important thing today. I’m my father’s daughter.

For me, there are no shadows.

Welcome!

I figured my first post should tell a little bit about myself. Not the typical dribble about what I do, and where I live, and so forth and so forth.

Perhaps, something a little more in-depth?

Being an aspiring writer, I have a tendency to delve deep within myself, and 99% of the time the things I find are not pretty. They are ugly and dark. The realism, most times, too hard to bear.

Music is a large part of my life. Often times enough, not only the music, but the lyrics as well, penetrate the deepest of regions that I, myself, couldn’t go. It’s beautiful. It’s beautiful what music can provoke, and pull to the surface.

So many times on MTTM, I’ll probably mention a few lyrics here and there that grappled with my heart and/or mind that particular day.

I’ll try my hardest to write daily, but I doubt it’ll happen. Perhaps, weekly instead. I’m in the middle of writing for a grant, so time is of the essence, but I’ll do my best.

The last thing I’ll mention is that I absolutely reak havoc in regards to grammar.  I can’t emphasize that enough.  I’ve learned to live it… so will you.

(Thank God for editors.  Such a dirty work they have.  I admire them… truly.)