I found out yesterday (June 2) that I was dilated 1 cm and it looked like the baby was going to come sooner than expected. The baby is due around July 23, but he apparently is eager to see the world! So as of yesterday as a precaution I’ve been placed on steroids to help his little lungs develop a bit faster, which I’m thankful that this has been done.
More news will come as things progress.
“Don’t give up; it’s just the weight of the world.”
Beautiful.
I don’t know what it is about music, but it always seems to stir the soul; often times speaking to you at that exact moment when it needs to be heard most. I think for most of us, when we are down — down to the point where your heart begins to literally ache, we began looking for comfort; welcoming any form in which it may come. We began to search on our own accord, when any other time in our lives we would simply just move along with the rest of the world, and disregard the feelings deep inside of us.
But for far too long now, I have found myself utterly lost in feelings of doubt, remorse, and heartache. Some of these I can explain and others I cannot. But I do know, as I was lying awake this morning, that I found myself being spoken the exact words I needed to hear.
It was a cheesy song by an artist that the majority of the world has found inspirational, though I have personally never cared for his particular style in the past. But in that moment, there was nothing that could have conveyed the message any better than what I had heard.
As a people we seek companionship, approval, and love. We seek things that often times we cannot have; and the times when we can and do have them, it seems like half the time we aren’t satisfied with them. It’s not enough — we want more. Once we’ve gotten a taste of the things we seek, we desire to have more. It’s human nature.
For quite some time I have been seeking some things that I had discovered I had lost, and some things I’ve never had. I had no words for the feelings that had begun to surface. It was a strange feeling, and one that I had never truly experienced before – at least not to that degree. It was the feeling of having the weight of the world on my shoulders. The desires of my heart, some that I had already obtained, had become muffled by the screams, cries, and demands of expectations and circumstances that were quite honestly… overwhelming.
Simply put.. I needed to hear “you are loved.” I needed to hear that I wasn’t alone. That things would be okay. That the things I wanted to achieve were possible. That the things that had been lost could be found, and the things that I wanted… were just around the corner. Even when we know we’re loved, we as humans have to hear it. Even when we can see the desires of our hearts, we as humans still have to hear, “there it is, right there, just an arm’s reach away.” The reassurance is a softening of the human spirit, and the love conveyed from it defines us, and brings a certain calm that we wouldn’t find anywhere else. For the past few months I’ve been longing for that exact thing that would remove my feelings of loneliness, of regret, and of hurt. I wanted my feelings explained, because I myself could not explain them.
I didn’t know what I was seeking; because I was bound by a world that demanded my attention and suffocated my hope in the things that made me happy and the desires that my heart longed for. So I had begun to give up on my dreams. I had begun to give up on the hope of any form of a redeeming factor. I had begun to give up on the things that had always brought comfort in the light of disheartening circumstances.
The words were simple, but true. The message short, but clear. I’m paraphrasing, but the integrity of the words and its meaning remains:
When your heart’s heavy, I will lift it for you.
When you want to be heard and the silence keeps you, I will break it for you.
When you want to be understood, I will hear you.
It’s just the hurt that you hide, and when you’re lost inside, I will be there to find you.
And because you want to burn bright and the darkness blinds you, I will shine to guide you.
It’s just the weight of the world, so don’t give up.
You are loved.
Maybe I’m the only one that feels this way… but I doubt it.
I was extrememly bored on St. Patty’s day, and after a lot of sleep and an insane amount of staring at a blinking cursor, I decided to do a little net surfing.
While doing so I came across one of those corny quiz sites that talk about “If you were _____, what kind of a _____ would you be?” Out of boredom I decided to do a few of the quizzes and I found out the following:
1) If I were a movie character, I would most likely be Carrie from the film that bares the same name,
2) If I were a dragon, I would most likely be a Wind Dragon (picture depicted above), and
3) If I were a god/goddess, I would most likely be Zeus.
Now 2 out of 3 aren’t bad I should say. I tend to agree with the movie character, since Carrie happens to be one of my favorite movies (what does that say about me???), and I probably only like the idea of the Wind Dragon due to the fact that the depiction provided was quite good. And, I do have a fascination with nature so ‘wind’ would tie into that. However, I don’t have an obsession with multiple partners nor would I have married a bitch like Hera, so I can’t agree that I would be a Zeus. Like I said… two out of three ain’t bad. 😉
I guess I haven’t had much to say in the past week. Real life issues getting in the way of normalcy, which for me means sitting around on my rump and writing/reading or something in between there which might include a few key notes from Bach.
As I was conversing with a friend a few days ago, she was mentioning about a recent pic taken by another friend of hers. I must say, as I looked at his portfolio, I was in absolute awe. I happen to love sunsets, and so I asked for permission to share this one on the blog.
Do we ever truly take time out to watch a sunset every now and then? Sometimes our lives seem so busy, that even the simplest things in life seem too time consuming, to make the effort to stop and just…. SEE. But the fact is…. never too late to take a few minutes out to watch one of the most beautiful things mother nature has to offer.
Enjoy.
P.S. Thanks for reminding me of that Mish.
For those who are not aware, “Take A Meeting” (TAM) is an annual event where scriptwriters can buy a time slot to sit down with an executive of their choice and discuss (unlike pitching) a script idea. Sessions last 15 minutes, and you are given a breakdown of the pros and cons of your script(s), as well as how to improve on your script.
There are two ways to participate in TAM. You can either, purchase the Final Draft program, Scriptwriters Showcase Gold or Silver Package, or you can pay $99 per session.
Now, in my opinion, there are pros and cons to participating in TAM. The pros being: valuable feedback, non-pitch pressure, honest study of your script idea, and exposure to industry leaders. The cons are as follows: Sadly, it’s only 15 minutes, and you have to either pay for your session or pay by purchasing the above mentioned software.
Overall, I have found TAM to be a very promising and valuable tool when it comes to getting some true blue feedback on a script idea (complete or not).
This year, TAM will be held at Sheraton Universal Hotel in Hollywood, CA on April 20 thru April 22.
Due to limited spacing and appointment times, there are only 999 slots available for the event. To register you can go to:
https://secure.thriva.com/Reg/Form.aspx?IDTD=2509&IDRPH=1309064
or if you would like to take advantage of the promotional offer from Final Draft (highly recommended scriptwriting company), you can go to: https://secure.thriva.com/Reg/Form.aspx?IDTD=2509&IDRPH=1309064
(Use code F301 to receive 10% off your purchase price)
A friend of mine (thanks, Rachel) brought this to my attention a few weeks ago…
Norilana Books will be publishing a new MZB anthology in November 2007. The MZB Literary Works Trust is inviting writers to submit no later than April 20, 2007 for possible publication of their stories in the anthology.
For complete details and submission guidelines, you can visit:
Ok, so I’m taking it as a sign, when I get my new laptop a few days early and I start getting nervous twitches while staring at a desktop folder full of incomplete WiPs (Works in Progress) .
I’m thinking that my little mini-vacation may in fact be coming to an end. When the muse starts begging, it’s time for me to start saddling. And, that appears to be exactly what I’m getting ready to do.
Maybe it’s just the excitement of my new toy. It’s not impressive like some of those crazy models out there these days, but it holds its own. Lots of RAM, a great processor, and a chance to tackle Windows new Vista O/S is something I’m looking forward to, as I break this new puppy in.
My upgraded Dell Inspiron 1501 has the following: AMD 3800 Processor, 2 Gigs RAM, ATI Raedon 512 MB HyperMemory, 120 GB HD, Vista Premium, CD-RW/DVD-RW, High Def Audio, and (my fav) 802.11 a/g Wireless Card
I decided today that I was going to take a much needed break from writing, and life in general to be honest with you. A lot of stresses have hit me over the past few weeks, and reflection is good for the soul! And so I’ve decided that I’m going to spend the next few weeks doing just that.
Earlier in the day after making this decision, I found myself thinking back on stories my grandmother use to tell me.
For those who may not know, I’m 1/4 Potawatomi (Native American). My grandmother who was full blood and lived on a reservation most of her life, was a very wise woman, and died at the age of 97, three years ago.
She played an important part in my life. For a good number of years, I lived on the reservation with her, and I remember all the stories she used to tell me. Some were amusing, but some of them were heart breaking and sad.
Life has many stories, and my belief is that our lives write themselves. Stories penned from paths taken. When we take a step, are we not compelled to take another? Each step in the present, immediately becomes a step in the past. Our lives are much like this, writing itself as we go. A story being told, formed, and fashioned with every step taken.
Our lives are full of complexities. In fact, life in itself is quite complex. But it doesn’t seem so complex when we simply take notice of the steps.
One…. Two…. Three….
It seems much more easier to handle when we reflect on one single step at a time. The complexity of the things that burden and weigh us down, seem to become so simple.
Now I certainly haven’t mastered this, but I know I certainly wouldn’t mind achieving it either. Life… just doesn’t seem so complex, when what is all in front you, is a simple step. One… right after the other.
I’ve been tired as of late. In one of my posts I talked about burdens. For me, I was always taught that one’s burdens are their own. But, in recent hours — days — I have come to understand a whole new burden.
Some have picked up the slack of a burden I’ve carried for months now, and part of me regrets that. But, the other part of me is very much relieved.
So what is my new burden? Simply the burden to relinquish the reigns, if even for a little while. To remember that there are people that stand by me, without remorse or regret.
Sometimes we hurt the people we love, because we are afraid, and other times because we believe we are protecting them, and in return (often times) we end up bringing more pain.
A lot of things are unknown right now. Treading into new territory is always a frightening venture, even when there are others along for the ride. We all know the saying, “there is safety in numbers.” For quite a while now, I had convinced myself that there is only safety in one.
But… that remains to be seen.
Sometmes it takes tragedy to see past the murky waters, and see who and what we are as individuals. There have been tragedies in my life, and in the lives of my loved ones. And a few days ago, I was met with another one. It was a tragedy long before then, but, it became much more real in the past few days.
Life is much like a dance. Some waltz, some tap, some even headbang their way through.
I’ve spent a life time of being… strong. Because, my belief was that no one could handle another’s burdens, no matter how tired you may have gotten from handling it on your own. But someone taught me a different lesson today. Instead of head banging my way through, or tapping around the obvious, I should waltz.
Sometimes we are just not in control, though we want to be… we would like to be. But, sometimes, that’s just not the case. We fear not being in control, and alot of times our waltzes through life are more like the Two Step with two left feet.
So, perhaps it’s time to waltz, and… let life lead for a change.
Mindless Thoughts of a Thoughtless Mind 